Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The night of judgements, WTF, and Blue!!
So I had the glorious opportunity of attending traffic school this past week. I know right. Lamizzle. So going to traffic school means Yes, I did in fact get a ticket. A speeding ticket. Oh and thanks again for that you stupid motorcycle cop sitting at the bottom of the stupid ramp on 4th south at 10:30 at night with nothing to do but ruin lives with your stupid authority provided by a stupid badge and gun. Stressed. The thought of going to sit in a room with people who apparently all committed the same crime was not appealing at all. Already with bitterness of the blessed event in my mind I proceeded to travel through rush our traffic, where adding to my frustration was a bunch of idiots who should probably be going to traffic school as well. Have people forgotten how to drive or am I imagining things. I get to SLC and enter the non free parking garage ,park my car, walk up the stairs and proceed to the metal detectors. To spare an awesome frisk I made sure that I had nothing not up to par in my purse or pockets. As soon as that needed ritual was over I thought to myself, okay only an hour and then I get to go home. Little did I know what was around the corner was about to set me on fire. A LINE. Not just any line. A HUGE LINE. Are you kidding me. How was I suppose to prepare for this horrible horrible situation. The last time I went to traffic school, there was like 10 people in the class. There had to have been at least 100 people in line in front of me. This is just great. It took me 20 minutes just to get through the door. Went I finally got in, I walked myself to the middle of this huge room and took a seat in a very uncomfortable desk. Then I sat there for another 20 minutes as other people just kept coming in. The line was not going to stop. I could have gone crazy but then I realized….Holy crow I get to do my absolute favorite thing in the world right at this very moment in time. PEOPLE WATCH. Oh the many many walks of life that just kept piling in was unreal. There were ugly sweaters, bad facial hair, matchless outfits, questionable hair cuts, weird neck tattoos, and I do recall a very unusual sun hat. These images were like candy feeding to my internal sarcastic beast. I couldn't control the rude comments going through my mind. Oh how badly I wish a friend was with me in order to play our favorite game, Your team! (If your not sure how this works feel free to contact me at any time) The jokes and the mind remarks were not stopping. If only I could have stood in front of the room, unnoticed , undetected, to have a clearer view of all these strange traffic violators. But I had to settle with where I was. Next to a man with an odd smell steaming off of his bad hunting camo coat. Unpleasant? Very. As the line started to finally diminish, I was preparing for a lecture given by a cop with a buzz cut and tight pants. Nope. Try an adorable bald 84 year old, retired cop, who kind of looked like Blue from Old School. It was awesome. He was so so funny, and so little. I actually sat there laughing hysterically paying attention. Although, the whole time I wanted to stand up and shout at the top of my lungs, “you’re my boy blue!” Good guy good guy. Love the movie. Blue only talked to us for about 25 minutes. Which was great because I had to pee super bad. Finally…..your dismissed. Thanks Blue! Minus the long line and the rancid smell from Harry the Hunter man, traffic school wasn’t all that bad. I mean it still sucked, but at least I got to laugh and let my imagination run wild.